Past few days have been wretched to me. I can’t seem to get my head around to doing things that I want to do the most. I always end up too tired or surf the internet like crazy till my eyes pop out of their sockets and scream they can’t take it anymore. Let me say this that I don’t use too much of Facebook, Twitter or Orkut but read insightful blogs, bookmark (on Diigo) and try to learn something in my fields of interest/ study. As fruitful as it sounds, after a session of internet surfing I don’t feel all that enlightened. To the contrary I hate the feeling. Reason: After every surfing session I find myself at the same point I started from. Let me tell you what happened a few days back.
I was browsing the internet to find pointers/ guides to gain a deeper understanding of Economics and related commercial disciplines when I stumbled upon an excellent resource at the Wikiversity and started reading. However, out of curiosity to explore the other disciplines I clicked on the links in the sidebar and got lost for the next three hours. I can recall reading some chapters on Automobile enginneering, a chapter on Web designing before I started searching for PHP based forum applications. I don’t even want to draw the map now ’cause I remember none of what I read and it was only a few days back. When I was done, I realized that I did not finish my reading on the chapters in Economics that I so wanted to study. And then I felt a stinging spasm in my chest, I went “Aaaaaargggh” and”Umphhhh” in my mind racking all the nerves (it was past 2:00 in the morning, couldn’t utter a sound) and wanting to tear my hair. I felt horrible and it’s not the first time the feeling occurred to me. It occurred multiple times in a week and no matter how much I try controlling myself from wandering away I find myself astray before long.
My facebook friends would recall my status update for that day, that went like “Suffering from I.S.S”. I called it “Insane Surfing Syndrome” but I strongly feel it’s got more to do with A.D.D (attention deficit order). This blog post started in the midst of one of those Insane Surfing sessions. As I write this post it occurs to me that:
- Reading an actual book over a blog post, a wikipedia page or a YouTube video is much more rewarding for my time spent in learning.
- Internet serves best as a tool for research but poor for structured learning.
I do this all the time – I start on something and then I get lost. It’s like building a lead and not closing the sale. I end up sulky, dissatisfied and sometimes quit. I so want to finish things that I start. I know I am creative and a stickler for doing things perfectly but tonight I feel like I want to cross the finish line. The famous quote, “success is not the destination, it’s a journey” does not ring true anymore. What good is a journey if you do not reach anywhere? I’d rather complete my journey than travel forever. My only wish is to be able to do that in time.
This is the last night of Insane Surfing. When I wake up tomorrow, I have got a few laps to run and I swear to God I will complete each one of ’em.